I'll Never Know
by DaiSukiAnimeSu
Summary: Erika has no idea what happened to Ciel during his disappearance. Ciel doesn't have a clue about what she feels. A happy past, a melancholic present. WARNING: There is some swearing. [[Indefinitely postponed.]]


Stupid. Just Stupid.

What in the bloody hell did Lizzie like about Ciel?

He is rash, rude, stupid, and has completely no manners in front of a lady.

So, why DOES my dear best friend adore him so much?

Damn it… Damn it all…

He always broke Lizzie's heart ever since he came back from the dead- ahem fire (please excuse my uncouthness).

He wasn't always like that though; he used to be a sweet, cute little boy who got himself into tons of trouble, always crying 'Sorry, Big Sis!' whenever I'd scold him about not doing the things I already warned him not to do. I was always worried about every little thing he did because I was concerned about his welfare, but in the end, I'd always give him and Lizzie some candy and a hug.

Where was that little boy I once knew?

Now, he's closed his feelings and thoughts to the people close to him: Lizzie, Grandpa Tanaka, Aunt Angelina, and …well… me. He always had Sebastian with him; like he's the only person he can confide in and actually talk to as Ciel Phantomhive.

_Sebastian._ I hate that name; I spit it out as much as possible. Something's not right about that butler. He changed Ciel, that demon. He just smiles about everything Ciel does and orders; how stupid. It's as if it wasn't strange at all that a child was acting like a noble, drinking tea, doing and accepting business proposals in his family's company like a professional CEO, and negotiating with businessmen and clients. Isn't he supposed to know that Ciel is still twelve and is supposed to act like one? Doesn't he know that Ciel was not meant to act like an adult? Has he no humanity?

One time, I just lost it. I lost it when Ciel was acting stupid. I lost it when I saw how broken Lizzie was. I lost it… when I just didn't know what was wrong with him.

Ciel had invited Lizzie and I over to his mansion for tea one fine day. Not wanting a beautiful day to be ruined by the King of Stupidity and his demonic servant, I said no. Of course, Lizzie was going, but not without busting through my manor's door crying.

Bawling and hugging me with real childish sadness, she cried. "How could you turn down Ciel's invitation, Erika? You know he rarely does this! He's your little brother! H-he is our friend! He's-"

"He is not Ciel Phantomhive." I interrupt sternly, looking at her with a small frown, "He is not the boy we once knew. He's a clone made from the finest rubber and material made to look exactly like Ciel, but with the brain of a foolish fool who spouts foolish foolishness."

"He IS Ciel! He's changed; so what? You're the one who always told us that the only thing permanent is change! You also told us no bad moments could ever replace the goods time you had!" she yelled at me. She calmed herself a bit and continued. "So… I have one question for you… Where is the big sis we always knew?"

…

"Don't do the mistake Ciel did! Be… what you always were! Don't let the new Ciel change and affect you!" she sobbed.

"Okay…OKAY, Lizzie. Stop crying. I'm going upstairs to change." I declared as I wiped her tears; really, I can't stand to see Lizzie cry. "Philippa, please prepare my favorite dress. I will be wearing it to the Earl Phantomhive's estate." I ordered my personal maid. She nodded with a smile, and we went upstairs. I looked at Lizzie one more time before I disappeared into my room, and saw her looking at me with happy eyes. Lizzie waited until I had proper attire on, then we set off for Ciel's house together.

The day passed by little by little at the Phantomhive Manor, Ciel and I not saying a single word to each other.

Poor Lizzie couldn't stand our silence and tried so many ways to get us starting a conversation with each other. Every attempt was in vain, though, as Ciel just stared at me every time with much indifference and I to him with hatred.

The time finally came for dinner, and the dining room was dead silent. I remember that this used to be a room with so much laughter, of which mostly Ciel had started. Now it is full of noiselessness, which Ciel had caused for the three of us.

Lizzie wasn't about to give up on her quest to get us all to be friends again. "I heard that there's a carnival in London! It's much like the Winter Bazaar back in December; maybe everyone could find something nice there! Ooh! And we could have a gift exchange! Isn't that a great idea, Erika?" She turned to me with so much anticipation; anticipation that I would agree to this idea, and that the two of us could convince Ciel.

"Lizzie, as children of nobles, we already have pretty much everything. If we ever do fancy something, we could order our maids or butlers to purchase it for us." I smiled at her as I took a bite from the well-done steak I had asked for. Ciel nodded his head with agreement and obvious disinterest in the idea of going out just to do that, but Lizzie took that chance to maybe get Ciel and I in the same boat and start a conversation that way.

"But guys! This would be a great opportunity to get some fresh air-"

"I get my own dose of fresh air every week, thank you very much." Ciel and I replied simultaneously.

"Okay…er…. We could find never-seen-before antiques!"

Ciel looked at her with a know-it-all look on his face and replied. "They're most likely fake. And there's an antique shop in town."

"But… there are entertainers and games there! You love entertainers and fun games, Erika! And gift exchanges are fun!" Lizzie stated with a smile on her face.

"Yes, yes I do. But what would poor Ciel do, as he finds 'measly activities' boring?" I stated matter-of-factly, receiving a glare from Ciel for calling him poor. "And besides, why do a gift exchange in the middle of summer?" I finished.

"Well, we used to gift exchange a lot whenever we got invited to Ciel's house. Fine; you guys think of ways to for us to bond." she challenged us.

_Bond_… Ciel snapped at that word. Oh no…

"Bond…? BOND? Is this what that's all about?" he scorned.

I could see Lizzie looking down at the floor from her seat, nodding with fear about what Ciel was going to say.

"That is quite pathetic." he grumbled, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

I twitched. Looking at Lizzie, I saw that she was trembling.

"What's so pathetic about us bonding?" I questioned Ciel with a strong tone.

"What's pathetic is that we already know that you and I will never get along." I flinched at his defiance. He turned to Lizzie with an annoyed expression. "So stop spouting foolish nonsense, Elizabeth."

Lizzie stood up abruptly. "CIEL YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO HER!"

…

…

…

"You can't do this… to us…"

Lizzie began to cry gently into her hands, while Ciel and I froze, staring at the weeping figure. I felt my blood boiling; all Lizzie tried to do was get all of us to be happy again, and here's Ciel, crushing her again.

"Lizzie, we just don't get along anymore, like we used to. There are some things you just can't change. Erika and I clearly don't understand each other." he explained. He then stood up and turned around, "Now if you will excuse me-"

_FWOOP, THWANG!_

"You are not excused."

Ciel was alarmed at the sight of the knife that was stuck at the door. It flew barely an inch close to him; in fact, I almost cut his ear. He turned around and saw my maddened self. A few hairs were sticking out of my head; must be due to my anger. I was shaking badly, and from the corner of my eye, I could see a teary eyed Lizzie, bewildered at my current state.

"Stop acting like such a bum, Ciel Phantomhive. YOU'RE the one being pathetic."

Sebastian coughed and warned me "Lady Erika, please, calm down. Hurting the young master will never-"

I snapped back at him with a glare that barely affected him. "NEVER WHAT, SEBASTIAN? NEVER TAKE AWAY THE PAIN THIS DAFT CLONE HAD CAUSED HIS FAMILY? NEVER, OH I DON'T KNOW, GIVE US BACK THE TIME WHEN EVERYTHING WAS ALRIGHT?"

"Exactly." he replied.

I was stunned, and it made me even more infuriated to see him answer so calmly.

"E-Erika…" I heard Lizzie whisper helplessly.

"…I am out of here." Ciel finally declared with a sullen face. He turned his back to me and headed for the door. "Let's go, Sebastian."

Sebastian opened the door with a bow, letting Ciel through.

"HEY, PHANTOMHIVE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!" I managed to yell before the door was closed shut.

Still riled up, I headed for the door. But before I grabbed the knob, I felt dizzy. I felt really light headed. I fell to the floor and looked up to see my butler, Gerard, and Lizzie with worried expressions on their faces. The last thing I heard was the mention of my name, and then I blacked out.


End file.
